3 ways to (mis)interpret Sonoma’s ban on Plaza chain stores

1. Ties that Bind

chainsA single vote tipped Sonoma’s City Council to ban “chain stores” on the historic Sonoma Plaza. This begs the question, “What’s next, whip stores?” Seeing as whips and chains are paired in the popular imagination as frequently as wine and cheese, it stands to reason that the council would soon follow their Puritanical purge with a similar ban on not only whips, but cat-o-nine-tails and riding crops as well.

Clearly, what this amounts to is wholesale prejudice against the Valley’s Bondage, Domination and Sado-Masochism community. Statistically speaking, one out of five adults have introduced pain and pleasure at the precipice of a blushing buttock, which would theoretically make one of the dissenting voters a hypocrite – or two of the non-dissenting votes totally bummed. And by bummed I mean “having experienced a bummer” not a spanking (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

How does the Sonoma City Council expect Sonoma’s practitioners of BDSM to outfit their dungeons if they can’t proudly stroll into a chain store on the Plaza and say, “Please sell me 15 feet of our finest, stainless steel link, for I am having an adult party, sir.” By blockading the sale of chains to responsible, consenting adults, the council is effectively sending that business elsewhere, or worse, to the Springs, which, is presently the only place in a five-mile radius where one can still buy chaps since the so-called Plaza “western wear” ban of 1974.

Chain stores and the chains they sell are what bond us together as a community. And to the wall. Continue reading “3 ways to (mis)interpret Sonoma’s ban on Plaza chain stores”