Do you like piña coladas?

Whenever publicists inform me that it’s National (Insert the Name of a Drink Here) Day, I get suspicious. The first question that comes to mind is “what booze do they want me to plug?” followed by “and where the hell are the samples?” (Note to Editors: I hope you enjoyed that Bols yogurt liqueur they sent me.)
So, when it’s suddenly, say, National Margarita Day, I just know there’s a breathless publicist pushing a new “agave spirit.”

The bullet points are always the same: Not only is it organic and sustainably-grown but it’s produced in small batches using the same traditional methods the company poster boy’s alleged ancestor used.

Then they take this “everything old is new again” pitch, dip it in some “fair trade” crap and claim it’s the most important part of their “brand story.”

It’s tequila. The only story worth telling is the one about what you did while you were blacked out.