Twitter & Maltese Falcon Take Flight on Same Day

Did anyone else notice that San Francisco’s two favorite birds both got hawked yesterday?
SF-based Twitter flew the coop with its soaring IPO while the Maltese Falcon, the titular bird in Dashiell Hammett’s novel and John Huston’s big screen adaptation, went on the auction block.

“The infamous black bird prop from the 1941 Humphrey Bogart noir classic is up for bidding from Guernsey’s auction house in a highly anticipated sale,” read a story in the NY Daily News. Meanwhile, Twitter’s initial public offering was minting many a millionaire.

Perhaps they should have coordinated. Then one of  them could cash out a bit of scratch and purchase the dingus and return it to its spiritual home of San Francisco. I won’t bother with the “two birds and one Biz Stone” gag nor brag about knowing why the caged bird sings (spoiler alert: he sings of freedom). Instead, I’ll just imagine the inevitable mashup of Nick Bilton’s excellent history Hatching Twitter: A True Story of Money, Power, Friendship, and Betrayal with Hammett’s Sam Spade.

Jack Dorsey laughed. His laughter was brief and somewhat bitter. “That is good,” he said, “coming from you. What have you given me besides money? Have you given me any of your confidence? any of the truth? any help in helping you? Haven’t you tried to buy my loyalty with money and nothing else? Well, if I’m peddling it, why shouldn’t I let it go to the highest bidder?”

The rest, of course, is the stuff that dreams are made of.

Twitter & Maltese Falcon Take Flight on Same Day

Did anyone else notice that San Francisco’s two favorite birds both got hawked yesterday?

SF-based Twitter flew the coop with its soaring IPO while the Maltese Falcon, the titular bird in Dashiell Hammett’s novel and John Huston’s big screen adaptation, went on the auction block.

“The infamous black bird prop from the 1941 Humphrey Bogart noir classic is up for bidding from Guernsey’s auction house in a highly anticipated sale,” read a story in the NY Daily News. Meanwhile, Twitter’s initial public offering was minting many a millionaire.

Perhaps they should have coordinated. Then one of ?them could cash out a bit of scratch and purchase the dingus and return it to its spiritual home of San Francisco. I won’t bother with the “two birds and one Biz Stone” gag nor brag about knowing why the caged bird sings (spoiler alert: he sings of freedom). Instead, I’ll just imagine the inevitable mashup of Nick Bilton’s excellent history Hatching Twitter: A True Story of Money, Power, Friendship, and Betrayal?with Hammett’s Sam Spade.

Jack Dorsey laughed. His laughter was brief and somewhat bitter. “That is good,” he said,?“coming from you. What have you given me besides money? Have you given me any of your?confidence? any of the truth? any help in helping you? Haven’t you tried to buy my loyalty with?money and nothing else? Well, if I’m peddling it, why shouldn’t I let it go to the highest bidder?”

The rest, of course, is the stuff that dreams are made of.

Unplug

The Wisdom of Plugging into #Unplug

There was a time when the notion of “unplugging” meant you were either euthanizing someone or going acoustic, or, in the case of Korn, both. These days, unplugging most often refers to turning off one’s various devices, signing off of social networks and generally diverting one’s stream of consciousness from one’s Twitter stream. Continue reading “Unplug”

Is Starbucks? Adoption of Square a Conflict of Interest for Jack Dorsey?

“This fall, Square will begin processing all credit and debit card transactions at Starbucks stores in the United States,? reports the New York Times, referring to the small mobile payments device that allows credit cards to be swiped by smartphones and tablets. Now, coffee behemoth Starbucks will help kill off cash registers (and perhaps cash) but adopting the system, which was created by Twitter co-founder Jack Dorsey.

This begs the question, is Starbuck?s adoption of Square a conflict of interest for Dorsey, Square?s CEO and an investor in San Francisco artisanal coffee house Sightglass Coffee?

Continue reading “Is Starbucks? Adoption of Square a Conflict of Interest for Jack Dorsey?”

Why Do Men Put Their Penises Online?

?To tweet or not to tweet?? ? that should have been the question for former U.S. representative Anthony Weiner whose infamous social media snafu made him and his briefs-ensconced boner a household name synonymous with ?moron.? Not only did Weiner?s foray into softcore porn (and subsequent revelations about ?sexting? with numerous women) provide a wide berth for dick jokes and puns of every stripe (which he?s probably endured since grammar school on account of his name), it cost him his career in politics.

The argument that what one does in one?s private life is should not be subject to public scrutiny went out the window when Weiner made his privates public by inadvertently posting them into his Twitter stream rather than as a direct message to 21-year-old Washington state woman.

It begs the question, ?Why do men put their penises online?? Respond to any ad on Craigslist and, as many can attest, one stands a one in five chance of receiving a poorly-lit jpeg of some dude?s cock. It?s a wonder that no one has started an amateur porn site called ?Craig?s Dicks? comprised exclusively of prick pics culled from the personal ads juggernaut. Chatroulette, the video chat service that randomly pairs participants in two-way tet-a-tets is notorious as veritable museum of male masturbation.The site rapidly cycles through chat pairings with either user given the option to hit ?next? and move on to another chat ? usually within seconds. After cycling through eight live images of users in front of their web cams ? Bingo! ? a crotch shot at the ready.

In the pantheon of paraphilias, exhibitionism is perhaps the most benign though clinicians describe it as ?coercive? since it usually involves forcibly imposing one?s genitalia into another line of sight without their consent. The notion of an old-school trench coat-clad flasher is damn near quaint compared to the lone gunman taking aim at a webcam.

Albeit, confronting an exhibitionist in the flesh is surely a harrowing experience, however, it does permit one the ability to express one?s revulsion, reciprocate with bodily harm or perhaps even flash back (any of which, may or may not be the offenders goal). The online penis parader, however, uses social media to broadcast their exhibitionism from the comfort of their own homes. It combines the privacy end-users of porn expect from direct delivery of content to their laptops (no more embarrassing visits to the ?adult? section of the video store ? hell, for that matter, no more video stores!) with the inversely proportionate ability to broadcast oneself freely, cheaply and nakedly to millions with relative anonymity and without retribution.

This is perhaps one reason that everyone from media pundits to House minority leader Nancy Pelosi came down so, um, hard on Anthony?s weiner. It was if he received the aggregate slap back awaiting all the faceless exhibitionists lurking on the Internet. Consider his monkey spanked. To gauge the size of your “e-penis” click this humorous if NSFW link, which uses your Twitter handle to measure your size online.

Update: Carlos Danger. ‘Nuff said.